Fat lady dancing

Fat lady Dancing

After a year and a half of relatively enforced inactivity (torn Achilles tendon, paralyzed muscles) I put on 10 kilos. Horrified, with half my clothes too tight to wear, I decided to learn dancing. There are many advantages. You learn rapid alternating movements, you have to concentrate, you burn calories, and it is fun. Hopefully, it also offsets any dementia that might be waiting to attack.

The teacher was so thin that he looked and moved like a  double jointed pencil. His hips were definitely attached to his spine by extra "wheelies" joints, like the wheels on my samsonite suitcase which can  move and swivel 360 degrees with ease.

The rest of the class had been dancing for some time, so I positioned myself  where I had a clear view of the teacher and could hopefully imitate every move and gyration.

I could not keep up. I did one move for every two performed by the class. I moved right arm and right leg instead of the left arm and right leg. When the entire class advanced to the right, I consistently moved to the left. I bumped into the dancers on both sides. The ladies to the right and left of me moved politely to a row behind. I was given "my space"

The teacher suddenly waved his right hand in the air. I shook my left. The class tied itself in tangles. Apparently, it was a signal to keep moving in the direction of the hand.

Suddenly he gave a clap, and everyone turned clockwise in a cirle. I stood stock still, too taken aback to move. When the next clap came, I was ready. I turned in a full circle, only to find it was a signal for the entire class to stand in two straight lines.

The line in front moved forwards to music, clapped and then moved back. I did too, only to find myself  eyeball to eyeball with the lady in front t of me. Apparently that you move backwards first and forwards later.

After 50 minutes some slow music came on and voila!  I was able to keep up!

"How was the class?" Asked the teacher politely.

"Very good," I said, "especially the steps and music in the last 10 minutes. I was able to keep up."

He gave me a strange look.

"That was the cooldown, not the dance --"

As I was leaving a slim young flexible fit girl confronted me

"You need to lose weight," she said "then you will be able to dance. Why don't you miss a few meals."

I guess she meant well. Her advice is scientifically sound.  But one thing is for sure; dancing makes you ravenously hungry. I headed home as fast as I could for a good dinner.

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