masala flights

Masala Flights

I have to fly back from Hyderabad (where my husband lives) every Monday after spending the weekend there. This makes for a stressful life, as I have to reach work in Vellore three hours from the  airport  by 10 Am when my first appointment for the day is scheduled.

Spice Jet has practically ALL the early morning slots. The departure to Chennai is at 5:50 AM. Followed by departures to Thirupathy, Bangalore, Coimbatore – you name it.  I reached the airport at the ungodly hour of 4:15 Am only to find that the queue for check in was about 50 people long.

“What happened?” I asked the man in front of me “Why are the counters all closed?”

“They sent a SMS saying the flight is an hour late. I didn’t see it” said the man sighing in resignation, “I will  ever reach Chennai, I have a meeting with a client—“

I pulled out my cell phone. Sure enough in the night they had sent a message announcing a one hour delay. I must have been asleep. After all to make it  “an hour before departure” I have to get up at 3 AM.

“So they are not opening the  counters?”

“There is one counter open” said the man.

Sure enough the “web check in and special needs” counter was open. There was a long line there too. Two pregnant ladies, a family with two children and two “aged” on wheel chairs. (That is another scam. You are allowed a wheel chair if you are a “senior citizen”. It helps you cut lines and reach and board the plane fast. I have seen a few of them bounding up the plane stairs after reaching the tarmac at a speed that would put non wheel chair bound passengers to shame. The accompanying family gets to cut the line too. My children once actually suggested that I am now old enough to opt for the wheelchair)!

After about 10 minutes everyone started shouting at the man manning the counter. After a few minutes three more arrived and the queue moved briskly.

While waiting in the airport lounge , I discovered that all the flights were taking off except the one to Chennai. It was still “delayed.” The spice Jet staff were talking and laughing. They all seemed in a “touchy feely flirty” unprofessional party mode, which added to everyone’s irritation.

The passengers started to vociferously agitate, so we were taken to the plane and loaded. The aircraft inspired no confidence at all. It was small with propellers outside and peeling paint. It looked like it could do with a good wash.

 Once they had managed to confine us on board there was no sign of further activity.

“The pilot has not come “ said the person next to me.

I craned my neck and realized he was right. The empty cockpit was partially visible.

Suddenly a young man with a large bag in pilot’s uniform and aviator glasses entered. He sat in a seat (obviously an  off duty pilot) and started arguing about his large bag. It had not been checked in, it was “oversized” and possibly heavy. If he hauled it up it looked like the overhead bin would come crashing down.

Airhostess started flirting with him. He removed his glasses, his eyes were bleary and blood shot. She took the bag to the hold  and the overhead bins were safe. Any way, we were safe too, he was not going to fly us.

Everyone was jabbering loudly on cell phones informing offices pickups, friends, family about uncertain arrival times. (Waiting in airport parking is prohibitively expensive)!

Twenty minutes after the scheduled “late “ departure time the portly senior pilot arrived and entered the cockpit.

We were ready to take off.

Haven’t pilots heard of alarm clocks?

If we passengers come late to the airport we are not allowed to board the flight!

On the other hand since none of the passengers (except aviator glasses ) is licensed to fly, the pilot (monarch of all he surveys) can hold a planeload of irate passengers to ransom!