Saturday, April 16, 2016

telephone lines

Telephone Lines
“I need a break ,” said my daughter, “the school has been conducting examinations and I am going crazy.”
It was a long weekend so I asked her to come to Vellore.
“Does the internet work? I have to submit some articles.”
“Oh yes, “ I said proudly , “I have wifi in the whole house.”
They arrived and I went in to work. Within minutes I got a frantic call from her, ”The internet doesn’t work, neither does the land line.”
They were both the same, so I said,” I will get BSNL to fix it right now.”
“Will they come that fast?” She asked.
“Oh Yes” I said confidently.
I failed to add that the office was not too far down on the main highway. I had an aggressive gardener who I periodically sent to their  office to stage a dharna whenever I had a problem.
She soon received a call on the landline. “Is this the white house that is isolated and at the end of the side road?” asked a male voice.
She got the creeps.
“Who are you? What do you want?”
The man replied, ”Are you alone?”
She decided to go and lock the gate.
“I am speaking from BSNL.”
“How do I know you are from BSNL?”
“Madam, call the office and check. My name is Raghu. If all the women talk like this how can I possibly repair anything? I need to know which wire to connect.”
She realized that the land line didn’t work so she called me instead.
Apparently Raghu had been sent the previous evening from BSNL to correct a couple of faults. He disconnected 23 lines. Since it  was 4:30 he decided to have tea and go home leaving the lines disconnected. Many irate users were shouting in the BSNL office. He had been dispatched to rectify the fault but didn’t know what to connect where.
After a while the internet started to work and the phone rang.
“Who are you and where are you?”
Daughter decided that the town had become a creepy place after she left for college 20 years ago.
“Why?” She asked.

“Look, I am Dr S. I think I am your neighbor. Every time I try to call my house I get your number instead. I think they have switched lines. I want to inform the idiots and get it rectified-----.”

Thursday, April 7, 2016

weddings in vellore


Weddings in Vellore
One of my staff members came into my office.
“My only nephew is getting married. He is an MBA. The wedding is in Vellore.”
He produced an ornate and obviously expensive wedding invitation. It was discernibly going to be a grand no holds barred affair.
The venue was grandly decorated with lights, a live band, singers and even a “Tollywood dancer”, who gyrated obscenely in front of the married couple. 
The queue to greet the couple was very long.
My employee spotted me and took me up on the stage from the wrong side. I received some glares but I was happy that I did not have to wait for ages in uncomfortable high heels. He led me to the buffet( another long queue), told me to wait, went to the back and produced a plate with chicken biryani and fried chicken . I held the plate in my hand and turned to speak to the employee’s grandson.
Suddenly he said, ”Aunty she is eating your chicken. “
I turned and saw a well-dressed bejeweled lady standing next to me. She was busy picking fried chicken pieces off my plate and eating them.
“What are you doing? Why are you eating my food?”
“I am hungry ,” she replied the queue is long and I just can’t wait. The food looks too delicious!”
Unbelievably, she grabbed the rest of my chicken and stuffed it into her mouth.
Only in Vellore? Or only me?
Like
Comment